Fall Is a Season for Letting Go

Fall always seems like a bittersweet time of year, an exquisite balance of beauty and sorrow. As the leaves begin to turn gorgeous shades of yellow and red and start falling from the trees, it seems fitting to begin letting go of things that no longer serve us. This could be outmoded relationships, friendships, thought patterns, behavioral patterns, and fears. Any ideas that keep us playing small, prevent us from being our true selves, stand in the way of us being the full expression of our souls, and keep us from being love.

In my time on this planet, I have found that one of the main purposes of all beings/souls is to be love, to become love, to love, to remove all obstacles to being love. Fall reminds me of a farmer burning the brush from a field so that there is space and nutrients for seeds that he plants to grow come spring time. This season epitomizes transformation, alchemy, transmutation, our notions of our life and who we think we are burning down around us so that we can rise from the ashes like a phoenix to become who we are meant to be.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

For much of my life, I lived by the modus operandi, "where there's a will, there's a way." I put myself through such stress, trials, and tribulations trying to force things to be the way that I wanted, trying to make things work. I have held on to relationships, trying to make them work well past their expiration dates. I have tackled and conquered projects with sheer determination and grit, sometimes making myself physically ill in the process.

In doing so, I saw the universe, life, and other people as obstacles or adversaries. I would achieve the desired result most of the time, but it was not usually a very pleasurable process or experience. On those occasions where I failed to achieve my desired result (through no lack of determination and sheer brute force), I slowly came to realize that life is so much more about the journey than the destination. Each time that I failed to get what I wanted (or thought I wanted), I was blessed with opportunities to learn lessons about myself, who I really am, what I really want, what truly makes me happy, what my purpose is in life. Most importantly, I have learned that the universe is on our side and has even better things in store for us than what we can imagine.

This was a true lesson in letting go, in sweet surrender of control and trying to force things, of knowing that the universe is conspiring for out most fulfilling realities. The less that I resisted, the less I tried to force things to be that way that I wanted them to be, the easier and happier my life became and the more in alignment with my soul/higher-self/purpose I felt. Now life seems to flow like an ocean for me; sometimes there are waves, but I do not typically have the dramatic highs and lows that I had in the past. These days, the ocean is fairly calm, and life feels good. How do we get to that place of surrender and calm? Every day is an opportunity to work towards this goal and to flex that mental muscle.

As we all continue to evolve, change, and more fully step into our true selves/life paths/purposes, we are bound to face challenges, obstacles, and stress. In those difficult moments, we can remember that life is about the journey. Here are some ways to help let go of thoughts or situations that prevent us from enjoying this beautiful journey called life:

1. Focus on the breath - Calm, deep breathing allows us to truly be present in the moment, no matter what is coming our way. A wonderful yoga teachers, Sheila Pride, would always say, "You change your breath, you change your life." When I am stressed or upset, I hear her voice in my head telling me to breathe. By keeping our breath slow, steady, and deep/relaxed, we can help to counteract whatever intense emotions we are feeling. Being present keeps us from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Focusing on our breath allows us to let go and truly focus on where we are in this moment, to allow whatever feelings we have to flow through us, and to allow letting go/surrender to creep into our minds and hearts. 
2. Meditation - Meditation can be a powerful tool to help us surrender. Our mind is one of the most powerful tools that we have on this plant. Everything is about perspective. If we shift our perspective about something, we can help free ourselves from limiting beliefs. Meditation is a great tool to help us make peace with things that bother us; to surrender, love, and accept what is.
3. Does this really matter - By asking ourselves whether whatever is bothering us will still matter in a day, a month, a year, or 10 years from now, we can let go of worry and focus on the present moment. Very often, when something is bothering us, we are so caught up in whatever we are feeling that we do not take time to think about the big picture. Questioning whether something will matter later on helps to put the challenge or situation into perspective and makes it easier to let go of the situation and expectations.
4. Setting a positive intention - Surrendering becomes easier if we set a positive intention to handle a situation with more love, kindness, compassion, respect, etc. in the future. If something does not go our way and causes stress or volatility in our lives, we can exammine ways we could have handled the situation with more grace so that we would have had a better experience. The point is not to criticize ourselves, but to have an intention and plan for how to handle a similar situation in the future, should it arise. Here, by thinking about more positive outcomes or ways to handle situations, we start to strengthen a new pathway in our brain so that we can change our behavioral patterns in the future, being able to respond mindfully instead of responding instinctually. Importantly, we want to focus on how we could have handled things differently, so we are not giving away our power and seeing ourselves as victims in the situation. We want to feel empowered that we can choose how we will react to a situation in a better way in the future.
5. Enjoying life - Taking time to enjoy the beauty in the world helps us let go of all the "shoulds" and "have tos" in our lives. Often times we get wrapped up in the hectic pace of life and forget to take pleasure in the small things in life. Going for a walk, hike, enjoying nature, or other physical activities can help clear our minds and make us feel more refreshed, centered, grounded, and ready to be present. This is all about focusing on self-love and self-care by giving ourselves opportunities to step away and clear our minds. 
6. Realizing that everyone is doing the best they can  - It is very freeing to realize that everyone is doing the best they can given their current circumstances. This is a great way to remove the victim mentality from whatever experience we are having and to help let go of taking the behavior of others personally. 
7. Counting blessings - When we are dwelling and stewing in emotions, challenges, the past, or the future, we often lose sight of how many things we have to be grateful for in our lives. No matter how horrendous life has seemed at various points in my life, I can completely shift my mental paradigm by focusing on all of the things I appreciate and am thankful and grateful for in my life. This list is ever increasing. Initially I appreciated having a wonderful apartment, loving pets, a comfortable place to rest my head at night, a loving and amazing family and friends. As counting our blessings becomes more and more of a mental habit (or even keeping track in a gratitude journal), the list will continue to grow. Counting our blessings also helps to provide perspective and to let go of things that are not as important as we initially thought. 
8. Choosing who to spend time with - Keeping track of how we feel around others is important. If we feel crummy, triggered, or drained every time we are around someone, it is worth loving ourselves enough to set boundaries about that relationship so that we are able to be happier in our lives. This is not about playing the victim role, this is simply observing how we feel around others and choosing to spend less time with people who make us feel less than our bright shiny selves. This can be done in a mature, adult manner by telling the person that we are in different places in our path and have some different things and that we need some time apart to focus on these things. Importantly, we send them love and blessings and set boundaries and take time and space in a calm, peaceful, compassionate, and loving way. 
9. Smiling - It is difficult to feel down or be upset when we smile. Even if you decide to wear a smile as part of your daily uniform, take note of how your mood begins to shift during the day as you continue to smile. Sometimes we need to fake it before we make it. As we continue to smile, we start to feel happier, and then, after awhile, we might honestly wonder why we were even upset at all. Smiling helps us not sweat the small stuff. 
10. Doing things that bring happiness - It is easiest to let go of challenges or things that we dwell on when we instead focus on the activities that bring us happiness. Happiness is an inside job. No one else can make us happy. Everything that we need to be happy is within us; we need to peel back the layers of ourselves to figure out who we really are, what we love to do, what makes our hearts sing, what sets our soul on fire. When we are alive, living fully in the moment, and doing the things that we love, it is much easier to let go of the things that challenge us. 

I hope that you will take some of these suggestions, try them on, and see what works for you. Letting go of things is not always easy. Sometimes life feels like a master class on learning things the hard way, but these suggestions can help us begin down the path of changing our perspective and seeing that the universe is on our side and conspiring for our most fulfilling reality. Progress down this path allows us to discover our true selves, love and accept who we are, love our souls, and shine as the beautiful lights that we are.

As with anything that I share, please take what speaks to you and leave the rest.

Many blessings!

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