Practicing Self-Care

How often do we pause and look around at the "culture of busy" that surrounds us and the toll that it takes on us when we partake in that mindset? A couple of years ago, I read an article where the person committed to not use the word "busy" as a response when asked how they have been, and it is a noble goal. Busy as they may be, I find that people tend to make time for the things that are important to them. With all of the obligations in our lives (family, work, school, etc.), one of the most deserving, and often most neglected, areas of our lives is practicing self-care, including finding balance and truly nourishing ourselves. I have often heard the saying that "it is difficult to fill up the cups of others when yours is empty".

One of my favorite mugs from a dear friend and beautiful, luminous soul.

When I was in college, one of my mentors would say, "It is more difficult to cut with a dull blade. Sometimes it's important to take the time to sharpen the blade." He continued by encouraging the group he was addressing to get at least 4 h of sleep a night, as college age adults are prone to burning there candle at both ends and pulling front frequent all nighters! During that time, and even afterwards, there were many ocassions where I pushed myself way too hard, to the point of exhaustion, and my health suffered as a consequence.

Lately when I look around at many of those that I know, I see so many friends who are skipping meals, not getting adequate sleep, drinking to numb themselves to issues that are outside of their control, and who are in a constant state of stress...often because they have lost (or possibly never found) the balance of all of the "shoulds" in their life and their self-care. Several times recently, I have shared the wisdom from my mentor about sharpening the blade, and I find myself praying for others to be blessed with self-love, self-care, and balance.

In the last several years, I have learned to pause before I get to the point of being overly stressed or exhausted. Initially, largely thanks to yoga and dance, I began to listen to my body and to be present in it, recognizing the signs of stress and fatigue, and leaning to rest and take it easy when needed. Now, the true blessing for me is seeing the contrast in my life between when I used to push myself too far and now that I regularly focus on and practice self-care. Sometimes it is not easy to give ourselves a break when we need it because we are preoccupied with all of the "shoulds" on our list. Maybe it is as simple as giving ourselves permission to rest and care for ourselves, to honor and respect the scared temple that we inhabit? When I say giving ourselves permission, I mean speaking it out loud to ourselves.

Once we give ourselves that permission, where can we start with practicing self-care? How can we fill our own cup so that it is overflowing? How can we sharpen our dull blade so that it is ready to cut anything that comes our way? Here are some of the practices that I use to recharge and to stay balanced:

• Choice - Life is full of opportunities to make choices that are best for ourselves. Learning to see that we have a choice in nearly every situation can be very liberating. Even when it comes to the food that we eat, we can choose to eat something healthy that will fully nourish our bodies. Sometimes the first step is simply seeing that there is a choice that is in our highest good. The next step is choosing what is in alignment with our highest good. Each time we choose what is in our highest good (such as making time to go to a yoga class to feel more relaxed and centered instead of watching the next episode of our favorite show), the next time it will be even easier. If we walk through a field, initially there is no path, but the more we walk along that same route, slowly a path begins to appear, and the more frequently that path is traveled, the more prominent it becomes...so too is building the habit of choosing what is in our highest good. 
• Sleep - Make time for adequate sleep. Indulge in a nap. Going to bed and getting up at a consistent time can help. 
• Exercise - Do something active and fun to help release endorphins (feel good chemicals in the brain), e.g., yoga, dancing, swimming, running, Nia, Zumba, tennis, soccer, boxing, and etc. Exercise helps to keep us fit, healthy, and youthful. What's not to love? 
• Mindfulness - Scan the body to sense areas of tension. Keep an inventory of the situations that increase stress and tension or bring relaxation and enjoyment. Find ways to increase time spent doing activities that are more enjoyable and relaxing. 
• Breathe - Have you ever noticed that you sometimes hold your breath? It typically happens when we are upset or angry. When feeling tense, stressed, upset, angry, and etc., focusing on the breath (long, deep, slow breaths in and out...all the way down to the belly) can help move the body from a tense state to a more relaxed state in minutes. 
• Meditate - Meditation can be focusing on breath, being mindful, saying mantras, focusing on yantras, listening to a guided meditation, gazing at a candle. There are all kinds of different ways to practice meditation. The purpose is to help train the brain to be clam and relaxed. Meditation gets easier the more one practices. 
• Massage - After identifying areas that hold tension, a tennis ball, lacrosse ball, foam roller, muscle massager stick, or a variety of other everyday household items or gadgets can be used to work out knots or tension. A masseuse can also work wonders if it is within budget. 
• Gratitude - Make a daily list of at least three things for which you are grateful. Having a gratitude journal can make the experience even more special. There are even some great apps, like Bliss, to make a gratitude practice easy. 
• Boundaries/saying no - All we can ever do is give our best effort, and in that effort, there is space for boundaries and balance. Having a work-life balance is incredibly important. If the "shoulds" are taking away from areas like family, sleep, healthy eating, self-care, it is critical to draw some lines to help move the needle in the direction of balance. If we have too much on our plates, then we can say no to new projects, provide realistic estimates of when we anticipate we will finish something, find ways to prioritize our tasks, ask for help, etc. I often ask myself whether whatever seems so important and pressing in that moment will matter in 1 wk, 1 month, 1 yr, five yr, or 10 yr from now. I use that technique to put my life in perspective, to bring what is really important into focus, to allow me to live my life without regrets.  
• Ask for help when necessary - Maybe we need someone to babysit so that you can shower and change your clothes. Maybe we have had a rough day and simply need a hug or a listening ear. Many of us do a really great job of looking like we have it all together, so others may not know that we need or want help unless we ask them. If asking for help is difficult, then giving ourselves permission to receive may be necessary (again, speak it out loud). 
• Love/passion - No, I am not talking romance here. We all have things that make our hearts sing and allow us to shine our brightest. It is important to find the hobbies/activities that we love and our passionate about because they help to bring a sense of meaning to our lives and often have the added benefit of reducing stress and tension. 
• Solitude/socializing - This one may depend on whether you are an introvert or extrovert. Spend time figuring out whether you need solitude to sort out your thoughts and recharge or you need time socializing to feel re-energized. Make some time in your week to get that extra boost. 

In my YouTube video, Focusing on Self-Care, I provide some additional thoughts, tips, and resources, including how in as little as 15 min a day, we can find ways practice self-care. Ultimately, keep it simple. Do what works for and feels right to you. I hope that you find something that resonates with you or that causes you to explore more about self-care. 

As always, take what speaks to you and leave the rest. 

Many blessings!

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