Balancing Responsibility and Fun: Adulthood vs. Childhood Dreams - Part 2
Continuing on in my series about Responsibility and Fun, I will say that I am from a part of the US where “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” is a common phrase or even motto for many people. In my Taking Time to Be and Learning to Surrender blog posts, I have talked about how I took this self-sufficiency and determination to a whole other level that I describe as having a “Type-A” “death grip” on trying to control my life. Luckily I have learned that, in the words of Ice Cube, “Life ain’t a track meet, it’s a marathon”. Although I have absolutely no desire to ever actually run a marathon, I have decided that I would much rather enjoy the journey of life and have fun instead of living in a cyclone of stress, overwhelm, frustration, annoyance, and anger. These days I would describe myself as “living in my own little bubble of everything is awesome” or “all Zen, Jesus, and Buddha”. In the contrast of the transformation of my life from stress, struggle, and difficulty into a much more compassionate, relaxed, and flowing place, I want to pick back up with the effect that stress has on us, this need to over-schedule ourselves, and some things that we can do to help keep that stress level manageable.
Me standing in a field of poppies outside of Assisi, Italy.
Copyright 2018 Kathryn Palacio.
Copyright 2018 Kathryn Palacio.
When we are in a place of extreme stress, it signals that we are either in (or bordering on) a place of fear or worry, meaning that we are “all systems go” for fight or flight. This fight or flight response is good for things like fighting off an animal that is attacking us, but not so good in our daily lives. Stress is especially detrimental when it reaches a chronic level. If we are habitually focused on survival (thanks to the flight or fight response to chronic stress in our lives), that means we do not have room for creativity, imagination, inspiration…or for our bodies to heal themselves.
When we are under chronic stress, the reason that mental (creativity and imagination) and biological activities (healing) take a back seat is because all of our bodily resources (blood, energy, metabolism, thoughts, breath, and etc.) are going towards anticipating/fending off a threat. Scientific studies have shown that chronic stress causes shortening of the telomeres at the end of our DNA. The telomeres help protect our DNA during cell division and DNA replication; the common analogy used is likening them to the caps on shoestrings. Telomeres gradually get shorter with each round of cell division, and gradually, over time, we do age. Importantly, there is a correlation between rapid shortening of telomeres due to chronic stress and signs of aging. Have you ever gone through a particularly stressful period and began to have wrinkles or grey hair that was not there prior to that period? This trend may give a moment of pause for those that plan to work hard (and deal with lots of stress) during their youth so that they can enjoy life later. At least for me, thinking about stress in those terms presents some really good incentives to find stress management techniques to help me get centered, balanced, and relaxed.
An angel statue adorned with flowers and an ornament that say
"LOVE" on the grounds of the Chalice Well in Glastonbury, England.
Copyright Kathryn Palacio 2018.
When we give ourselves time and space to simply be, to relax, to feel safe, that is when creativity, imagination, and inspiration can take hold. When we practice self-care and have healthy boundaries (like a good work/life balance), our physical bodies and our emotional bodies are far more resilient. When we allow ourselves to daydream and our imagination to run wild, solutions to a problem or a new way of looking at a situation can amazingly surface. I don’t know about you, but finding new ways to look at situations or stumbling upon a solution to a long standing problem simply by chilling out and daydreaming sounds pretty good to me. Sign me up!
During a recent discussion with an acquaintance, she mentioned that she is always busy doing something (work, sports, dancing, classes, etc.). I laughed and think I said something about occasionally practicing “the fine art of doing nothing”. When asked for clarification, I told her that I used to be similar to how she described herself; I pushed myself so hard, burnt the candle at both ends, and I ended up making myself ill (e.g., pneumonia). I finally got to the point that I had to find balance in my life - I had to know what reasonable limitations and boundaries were for me. The acquaintance contended that everything that she is doing is fun. I fully admit that her activities all being fun is a major plus in my book. However, we all need time here and there to just be, to relax, to do nothing.
To effectively deal with the normal (or chronic) stress in our lives, we need that down time to integrate what has happened around us during the day/well. Imagine if every day we keep unloading all of the contents of our bag onto our desk, but we never take the time to straighten up the items, organize them, put them away, or clean the desk. What would be the condition of that desk? The desk quickly becomes an unorganized mess, making it difficult to find anything. That is similar to never giving our brains any down time and expecting them to function well and respond the way that we would like. Alternatively, imagine our brains like a computers where we have many different applications running, several browser windows open, and at least 10-20 tabs open on each browser window...and we rarely ever shut everything down and restart the computers. Eventually, we want to run a program that takes a good bit of computing power, and the computers are way too slow or crash. This is similar to what happens when we overload our brains with constant scheduling and do not give ourselves adequate down time. We need time to let our brains work out problems for us behind the scenes.
We need that sense of relaxation and safety so that our bodies know that it is time to work on cleaning house and restoring and healing the cells and organs. Imagine our bodies as houses where the floors never get swept or mopped. After awhile, what is the state of the floors? They start to get kind of gunky. Allowing our bodies to rest and repair themselves is similar to sweeping and mopping the floors of our house. I like to honor my body for the temple that it is; the beautiful vessel that allows me to carry out all I want to do; my loyal companion that carries out all of the activities/functions that I ask of it. When we are younger, it may be easier to push through without giving our bodies the rest that they need. Eventually, we may hit a point where, because of illness or fatigue, we either choose or are forced to find balance and give our bodies the recuperative time they deserve. If we are really active, we need to give our bodies time to rest and repair themselves after a strenuous activity. Most importantly, we need time to relax and just be so that we are open to receiving those solutions from our brains (or higher selves) when we least expect them. The key here is balance.
Here are some ideas to help with finding balance, giving our bodies and minds some time to recharge, and reducing stress.
We need that sense of relaxation and safety so that our bodies know that it is time to work on cleaning house and restoring and healing the cells and organs. Imagine our bodies as houses where the floors never get swept or mopped. After awhile, what is the state of the floors? They start to get kind of gunky. Allowing our bodies to rest and repair themselves is similar to sweeping and mopping the floors of our house. I like to honor my body for the temple that it is; the beautiful vessel that allows me to carry out all I want to do; my loyal companion that carries out all of the activities/functions that I ask of it. When we are younger, it may be easier to push through without giving our bodies the rest that they need. Eventually, we may hit a point where, because of illness or fatigue, we either choose or are forced to find balance and give our bodies the recuperative time they deserve. If we are really active, we need to give our bodies time to rest and repair themselves after a strenuous activity. Most importantly, we need time to relax and just be so that we are open to receiving those solutions from our brains (or higher selves) when we least expect them. The key here is balance.
- Enjoy the journey - Being able to see life for the journey and blessing that it is is a great gift that allows us to reclaim our power by knowing that we are completely in control of how we choose to react to any situation. With some practice, we can also gain more control over our thoughts and can choose to see the positive/silver lining/lesson in any situation. By enjoying the journey, when the unexpected happens, we can simply see where it will take us instead of burning ourselves out with a tenacious death grip on our life of how we want things to be, as I discuss in my Learning to Surrender blog post. For example, I recently got stuck in NYC on the way home from a business trip. Instead of freaking out or getting upset, I sent some messages to some friends who live in NYC. The hidden blessing in the unexpected overnight in NYC was that it allowed me to have dinner and catch up with Teany Hildago, my sister from another mister. Yay!!!
- Take inventory of stress management techniques - When we are put under stress, it is great to have a tool kit full of tools that can help us regain our balance. A great boost to our happiness and our stress management/coping skills can result from regularly reviewing the tools that we have, figuring out ones that are no longer severing us, deciding if any of the tools need an update/tweak, and determining if it is time to add some new tools to our tool kit. I discuss many of the tools in my toolbox in my YouTube video Update: Happiness - Figuring Out Our Own Recipes (eating healthfully, taking supplements, yoga, meditation, dancing, flower essences, essential oils, and etc.). Taking periodic inventory of the stress management tools/skills gives us a quick go to list of what to do when we are put under stress. That preparation can even help us shift how we react during stressful situations (moving towards neuroplasticity - changing our thought and behavioral patterns).
- Curiosity/playfulness to find the ideal conditions for thriving - In my Update: Happiness - Figuring Out Our Own Recipes YouTube video, I describe our life as a grand science experiment (or work of art) where the goal is to play the role of the scientist or artist to find the ideal conditions that allow us to truly thrive/shine. I also discuss approaching the experiment with patience, curiosity, fun, and playfulness. Each one of us will have our own unique recipe that allows us to flourish. This kind of work can be truly rewarding when we approach it with curiosity and fun.
- Self-care - Practicing self-care on a regular basis is a great way to make sure that our bodies can fully relax and feel safe, which is conducive to having fun, being creative, and having inspiration strike. For more ideas about self-care, check out my blog post Practicing Self-Care and my YouTube video about Focusing on Self-Care. Even spending 15 min per day can help us shake off the stress that builds up in our bodies, and each and every one of us is well worth 15+ min per day.
- Relax – In Part 1 of this series, I discussed taking stock of activities/relationships and cleaning out those that no longer serve us to make room for now things, like relaxation. Relaxation can be a bit different for everyone, although it is important to make time daily for some form of relaxation. Sometimes relaxation overlaps with self-care, doing nothing, enjoying nature, enjoying hobbies, meditation, etc. Whatever it entails, ultimately, when we feel relaxed, we are in a very receptive mode for creativity, inspiration, passion, purpose, fun, love, etc. When we are relaxed we can more easily go with the flow, and when things do not quite go our way, it is far easier to make adjustments. I talk about some of my own transition from struggling determination to enjoying the journey that life is in my blog post Learning to Surrender.
- Do nothing – In our adult lives, it is important to free up time to do nothing. In my blog post Taking Time to Be, I mention that in this culture of busy-ness, maybe we need to give ourselves permission (out loud) to do nothing sometimes. Have you ever noticed when you are doing nothing, sometimes wonderful ideas or solutions to problems come to you. There is immense value in giving our brains, bodies, and higher selves opportunities to send us messages that we can actually receive because we have quieted ourselves and are not distracted with the million things on our to-do list for the day. In my blog post Stepping into Stillness, I discuss how difficult it can be to be alone with ourselves and the transition I/others have seen in me as I have become more mindful and more able to hold space for others and myself. To be clear, I do not include watching TV in the bucket of "doing nothing". Practices like yoga, meditation, and mindfulness have definitely helped me to tame my monkey mind so that I am okay with doing nothing, and that mindfulness allows me to catch myself when I am feeling guilty or worried about doing nothing and to sooth myself into knowing that I deserve to have times of quiet and rest so that I can truly care for myself.
As I continue this series, I will examine topics that help us uncover our purpose and passion and find our way back to the fun, creativity, and imagination, and dreams of our childhood.
As always, take what speaks to you and leave the rest.
Many blessings!
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