Happiness - Figuring Out Our Own Recipes - Part 1
Hello beautiful souls! My name is Kathryn Palacio, and welcome to Loving My Soul. This post is based on my Happiness - Figuring Out Our Own Recipes YouTube video, which was inspired by a conversation at dinner one night last year, when the topic of happiness was raised. When I mentioned that I was 98% happy, the people at this dinner were astounded and wondered how that was even possible. With that in mind, what exactly is the recipe for happiness, are happy people those who have had easy lives, is there some magical formula for happiness, do happy people have to work to become happy, and how to we cultivate happiness in our own lives?
At the aforementioned dinner, I was friends with one of the people present, we'll call her Mary, but didn't know the others. During dinner, the conversation turned to how my life goal, or the happiest I would be in corporate America, was to be a happiness coach because I feel it would bring working in corporate American and my life's passion together. I don't know if it will happen, but I did tell those present that would be my ideal situation in that environment.
As the dinner continued, Mary and I were talking about how we had been in a work-related talent development program together that had a section that focused on self-development (becoming more self-aware). Prior to this program, I had been meditating for at least 14 years and practicing mindfulness, was already aware of many of my behavior/thought patterns and triggers, and knew who I am and what I want. I was already a compassionate person, practicing compassion, and practicing loving kindness. The night before the self-develop segment started, I sat next to the facilitator, Andrew, at dinner.
As Andrew and I discussed my various interests (meditation, mindfulness, etc.), I told him a story of how I had gotten so relaxed and focused on what was within my control to change that people saw a striking difference in how I was handling situations. I related a specific instance where someone, let's call him Steve, who was very familiar with the previous me asked, "Who are you!?!?", when I had told him that something was outside of my control. Steve knew that the previous me would have been freaking out (death grip on the steering wheel of my life and not enjoying my journey), so he was very confused at my rapid and drastic transformation. I still laugh with Steve about that instance to this day.
After hearing that story, Andrew mentioned that I needed to find a balance between the zen me and the me who needed to get my job accomplished. In my experience, balance is always a good thing, so I was intrigued. He also mentioned that sometimes people aren't always ready to hear the silver lining and lesson of their situation; therefore, I may need to gauge my reactions to where they are and wait until they are ready to receive my true perspective. Ultimately, Andrew told me that he wasn't sure whether I would get anything from his session, but if anything, it might be a slightly different perspective. Therefore, I was curious and excited to see what the next day would bring.
During the program, because of my interests, I caught on quickly to what he was sharing. I'm not really a shy person in a classroom setting because I like to keep things moving; thus, I raised my hand frequently. If the Andrew felt that the other people didn't quite get what he was talking about, he would call on me. During a follow up segment with the Andrew, when he was reviewing what we had gone through the first time and then adding new concepts, he made a comment that he was going to call on me because it would speed things along.
As we were discussing all of this at the dinner, I described how I ultimately figured out how to cope in better ways with what was going on in my life after my life fell apart or burned down around me. During those times, getting up to face the day was incredibly difficult, which is probably not what people would guess to look at me now. I've mentioned before in my blog posts and videos that at that time, I had several deaths in my family. I thought I was going to lose my job and had to find a different role. I had a relationship end. There was a lot of stuff going on at that time, more than what one person can probably handle at one time.
I had a very intuitive person tell me, "You are trying to deal with what's going on in your life right now with your little Fisher Price tool box of tools, and you're hammering on this problem with your Fisher Price hammer and you're wondering why it's not working for you." She strongly suggested that I go find better ways to cope with the stress, trauma, and different things that were going on in my life at that time.
So I went and learned new tools to deal with what was going on in my life. I reference many of those tools in my videos, but I learned even more tools after that. That's when I started going to a meditation class (a conscious positive choice vs. numbing) and started intensely meditating. I got back into yoga after putting it on the back burner for several months. I practiced different mindfulness techniques and focused on my breathe (pranayama). I started journaling. All of these were key choices that I made to learn new tools, stress-reduction techniques, and making the choice to love me enough to stop drowning in my pain. In retrospect and in moving forward, those incredibly difficult times in my life were and are catalysts for me to change and grow.
So during the dinner, I mentioned that I am about 98% happy, and the other people said, "How is that even possible!?!" Again the immediate conclusion is people thinking I'm on drugs. People (even the facilitator, Andrew) often see me now, when I'm pretty freaking happy, and they think I've always been this way or that there's some silver bullet to my happiness. They do not see the growth and change I have cultivated in my life to get here and the painful points in my life that were the catalysts. During the followup self-development section, Andrew joked that I was "on drugs or something because no one is that happy". I thought to myself, "No, not on drugs, just high on life. That's how I roll."
I also told them, "Nope; I'm high on life." I gave another example of when I getting ready for a trip to San Jose and how another person who was going on the trip had told me, "We should go take a vision quest. We were going to California, we should totally go take a vision quest." I laughed and told him, "Dude, I don't really need anything help me take a vision quest, because I meditate. I'm high on life. My meditations on their own are like their own freaking vision quest."
An image of a beach that Kathryn visited on Maui, Hawaii in 2004,
with a beautiful view of the ocean at sunrise. A reminder to return
to our natural state, no matter what storms come our way.
At the dinner, I also brought up the Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard. Several years ago I read some articles and watched some videos where Matthieu discussed happiness. I think at one point he described happiness as being like the ocean, and how we're basically riding the waves. There is a general level at which we typically remain, and we can choose whether or not we are buoyant. Like how if we are all stretched out on the top of the water, we float. However, if we are all compact or are vertical and have our legs and our arms in against our bodies or completely pulled in, we don't float as much and are more likely to sink. So with that metaphor, happiness is riding the waves and dealing with things as they come. Not clinging. Not struggling. Simply seeing where the ocean takes us, and letting it return us to our normal state, no matter what storms come our way.
Knowing that so many people are searching for true happiness and are surprised when people are consistently incredibly happy isn't surprising considering that our lives did not come with an owner's manual. In Part 2 of Happiness - Figuring Out Our Own Recipes, I will continue the discussion of my path to happiness and how I look at the opportunities in our lives to cultivate our own special happiness by beginning to create our individual recipes.
As always, take what speaks to you and leave the rest.
Many blessings!
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Facebook: www.facebook.com/kathrynpalacio1111
Instagram: lovingmysoul1111
YouTube: Kathryn Palacio
Website: www.lovingmysoul.com
Check out my:
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